Happy Monday! So glad you’re back here again with me this week. Have I told you lately that I’m obsessed with you? Well I am.
Today on the blog I’m talking about change and transformation. I had a totally different topic that I was going to talk about this week, but I had to share what’s on my heart and mind.
Lately, I’ve been going through a lot of….tests. Yea, let’s call them tests. I am being challenged…and I am learning more about myself everyday. I was always a pretty confident person when it came to who I was. But when it came to love and relationships? – You can find me shit outta luck. In the friendship realm – I’m killin’ it. I’m a loyal friend, and I’m always there for my circle. I can even give relationship advice to my girlfriends, but ironically enough, I’m not good at having one of my own.
I believe my confidence and the lifestyle I live is one of the reasons why finding a healthy, long-lasting relationship has been very difficult. Most men are intimidated by who I am and what I do – the fashion, the music, the brand styling – and feel a bit overwhelmed at the thought of being in a relationship with someone like me. A lot of men say they want a woman who is confident and holds her own, but most of them don’t really mean it. I must say in my own experience, most men find me to be too much. When I hear someone say that, I ask them in relation to what? I know plenty of women who do more than me and are way more accomplished. ‘Doing too much’ is relative and depends on the person and how much they themselves can handle. I love everything that I do….and my life right now pretty much is my work. My career path and the things that I want in life, will never change, and some men are not ready to build a foundation with a girl like me. I get it…
But does that mean I’m now a cynical man-hater who wants to go through my entire life without someone by my side to share these experiences with?! Hell no! I am a hopeless romantic. I want love – whatever that means. I love the thought of being in love, and I love pretty hard. I want my partner to be happy, and I want to be enough for them. Like a complete meal..not a snack…a meal. Is that true love? Am I being realistic? I dunno….I would hope so. To be honest, I’m still trying to figure this love thing out.
But…there is someone who does love me deeply….and he might have a real chance ; ) I see potential….and I’m looking forward to seeing where it goes. I am learning about love, what is truly is, and figuring out the kind of love that I want for myself. Relationships are not easy….and all of mine have been complicated. I’m tired of complicated. I want something genuine…realistic…and something that makes my heart skip a beat. So yea…. I’m working on finding that…..
If you follow me on Instagram (if you don’t then please do it….now), then you know that I’ve talked a lot about moving out of Buffalo. I love my city, don’t get me wrong, but I do feel like I’m living in a bubble. I want to feel a bit more challenged and have more opportunities to grow. The people of Buffalo are pretty dope though – there is a sense of community that you won’t really find in other big cities. I would love to live in a warmer climate – Cali of course is on my mind – but I also love the mood and feel of the east coast. New York City has definitely been calling my name, I’ve just never made that leap to really move there. I am slowly getting over my fears or moving though, and I know I’ll make the right decision soon…wherever that may be.
If you are currently going through any type of change, or about to make a major decision in your love life, or just in life period, I would first say to you, know yourself and know what you really want long term. Take a piece of paper and write these things down. Putting them on paper helps. Don’t make decisions based off of what others may think or say. You have got to be in control of your own life. You can decide to live the way others want, or, you can get your shit together and start living for yourself.
As these next few weeks roll out, things will become clearer. For me, for you, for us. We all go through change. It’s up to you to embrace it……and go through it.
Thank you so much for reading babe, I’ll see you next week!